Hello from Old San Juan, Puerto Rico! I am writing this slightly hungover. I can now say I’ve had rum in the world’s rum capitol, and I never have to do it again. Drink rum, that is. I had one rum. Oh, head.

When Seth and I left Vieques (the tiny island off the cost, check out the post on that), we took the ferry back to Fajardo, the harbor town and portal to Vieques. When we got off the boat, we decided not to take a cab – we were done with cabs – and follow Google maps’ directions on how to get to Enterprise Rent-A-Car. Imagine our surprise when, after 35 minutes of walking confidently with a 35lb. suitcase under the Caribbean sun, answering concerned-looking passersby who asked, “Are you lost?” with “No! We’re great! We’re following Google Maps!” several times, we found ourselves in the middle of nowhere on a hill. I’m thinking Google maps took us to the P.O. Box, or something. A mailman and a dude with an SUV simultaneously tried to save us, causing greater confusion (Puerto Ricans are so friendly!). The man in the SUV, with some room in the back seat, drove us to a hotel called “El Conquistador.” Dropping us off at the guard house, he assured us that Enterprise would be there. While he was correct, it was the wrong Enterprise and after about 45 minutes of further confusion spent with a rather peeved security guard, we eventually were picked up by Enterprise and driven to the top of a golf course. El Conquistador turned out to be an all-inclusive resort on top of a mountain complete with about 14 pools and cable cars that take you down to the beach. For those interested in traveling to Puerto Rico but NOT interested in the way Seth and I travel, here’s a picture.

Anywho, by 3PM we had our car and hopped on the road to look for the Cuban restaurant I had found on Google Maps (because I have no memory). It turned out to be nicer than we were dressed for, but we gladly went in and ate whatever we could get our hands on. Seth accidentally ordered 24 ribs (and ate every single one), and I got something called “mofongo,” which is a Puerto Rican and not Cuban specialty of mashed plantains in a pile. Mine came with mariscos (seafood), which included octopus, shrimp, scallops and possibly fish. As with most things in Puerto Rico, it was more expensive than we had hoped. But delicious. This is definitely the Caribbean – you get Caribbean culture, sun, beaches, food AND mosquitos, but unfortunately, at American prices. After touring around Southeast Asia and eating $5 lobster on the beach cooked right in front of me, I have to say I’m a little spoiled.

We arrived in San Juan to our first Air BnB, which was a little studio apartment in a neighborhood called Ocean Park. The beach at Ocean Park is directly across the street from an active soccer field surrounded by a track. I’d like to take a brief pause to mention that even though it’s hot and humid, Puerto Ricans seem to be all about some outdoors. We haven’t seen a park or a playground that didn’t have a healthy sprinkling of families and friends enjoying their time together. I love seeing that — it gives me hope for humanity! Anyway, the beach is more popular with locals but there were a few tourists there, too, spottable by their white bodies and loud American accents. We had direct access to the beach via a 30 second walk, which was just as gorgeous as the other beaches we’d seen up to that point. We spent the afternoon enjoying the beach and subsequently rubbing aloe all over Seth’s back. In the evening we went to a bar called “Mango’s” with live music and good sangria.

The next day, awoken by direct sunlight to my face at 6AM, I thought, Puerto Rico should really be on another time zone. Then I dragged Seth out of bed to beat the traffic and drive us to El Yunque National Forest at 7:30 (he really does love me). We picked up some Cliff bars and drove up the windy rainforest roads to the middle of the park, which turned out to be awesome because we were hiking to the summit and basically were almost there when we arrived at Palo Calorado Information Center by 8:45, 15 minutes before it opened. That turned out to be a good move, because we pattered around and walked the wrong way and back until 9 when the man working there, surprised to see us, explained the map he handed us and sent us on our way in the right direction. The hike took about 3.5 hours, with lots of lizards and amazing views at the top. Once we got out of the clouds, that is.

Inside the window cave we saw bats. Our kind, soft-spoken guide explained about 5 times not to shine our flashlights at the ceiling, since it could give the bats a heart attack and they could fall and die. Our group was full of dumbs who couldn’t follow directions, but luckily no bats were harmed during the tour (as far as we know). Finally, we got to the main attraction. The view from the window cave explains its name.

On the way back to San Juan we were hangry and stopped by a place called Costa Azul in BFE Puerto Rico (a little town called Tierras Nuevas Poniente) that we found on Google Maps. We had a typical Puerto Rican dish called “asopao,” mine with shrimp and Seth’s with chicken. It. Was. Magical. We had amarillos on the side, or fried sweet plantains, along with a couple beers. And Seth forgave me for starving him again, dragging him to the ends of the earth for things we found on Google. With full bellies, we made our way to one of the prettiest beaches I’ve ever seen.

We made our way back to Ocean Park for our last easy night in the barrio before we headed to the historical part of the city. More to come on that in a few days!

Oh yeah, and I’m pretty sure I already have Zika. The mosquitos here are all about some Patrice.